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  • Slavic Christian moms, your needs are important

    Dear Slavic Christian, 

    Have you considered your input and the output of those you choose to be around?

    For example: do your parents, spouse, children, friends, coworkers, and ministry colleagues put 100% of their body, minds, and spirits into making your relationship thrive as much as you do? Or do you put in 100%, while they put in 1,5,10,20,30… percent, leaving you feeling empty, bitter, neglected, abandoned, invalidated?

    Are you willing to confront it? Are you willing to let go of the ones that aren’t willing to change?

    This concept might be a tough one to swallow. This concept says, “YOU have feelings and needs that are just as valuable as those around you.” It says, “Your energy matters and if people deplete you without recharging you, the relationship might not be a good fit any longer.”

    Here’s a thought that goes along with the last one: are your relationships reciprocal, or are they more one-sided on those you care for? Maybe you’re a wife that constantly tries to be attuned to your husband’s sexual, physical, and emotional needs, and he doesn’t do the same for you. 

    Where does that leave you? Do you take care of your own sexual needs in that case? What about having a desire for deep, intimate connections and conversations, but he’s not interested, do you talk to your girlfriends or a therapist instead?

    What about your friends? Do they put in as much into the relationship with you financially, with their time, and with their emotional energy as you do or do they poke for answers out of selfish curiosity to get the “latest juicy details on your life” to later use against you in the company of others, and don’t reveal much about themselves?

    What about your children: do you cook, clean, and financially provide for your kids despite them being fully capable of working, helping out with the chores, and cleaning up after themselves?

    What feelings arise within you right now as your mind is provoked by this topic? Do you recognize how valuable you are and that you deserve care just as much as those around you or do the feelings that arise fuel a sense of guilt and shame for even considering asking for your feelings and needs to be validated and nurtured?

    Dear Slavic Christian reader, I want to validate you and say you’re not alone if your response is the latter. I work with many individuals-women who have learned to repress their authentic self at the expense of meeting the needs of those around them. I work with many wives and moms who are burnt out of caring for others and feel invisible in their own homes and community. 

    The good news is, if you are tired of holding it in, you can seek my support and recognize that everything you experience is completely normal and healthy and that there is a way out. 

    Christ created you with a certain character, certain desires that have value because they also reflect his character and heart. But is nurturing your feelings and needs and teaching others to do the same to support you is something that you’d like to work on and grow in?