Slavic Christian woman, are you free in your marriage?

Dear Slavic Christian reader, do you have freedom in your marriage to express yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and creatively, or do you feel stuck, controlled, invalidated, repressed, or invisible?

My heart is saddened when I hear stories about Slavic Christian wives not being allowed to cut their hair, wear pants, share their hobbies or fears with their spouse, cook the food they like because “their husband doesn’t,” work at a job that brings them fulfillment, go to a church where they experience the presence of God, spend money on self-care, etc. 

They’re told that these are all acts of rebellion against their husbands, fathers, and church leaders and should obey the Lord by submitting to them through their obedience. They’re told to stop caring about themselves, not be selfish, and focus on meeting their husband's needs and “pursue him in his hobbies.”

I’m saddened when I hear about spouses controlling and tracking each other's whereabouts (as if trust is lacking in their relationship). Many spouses do not let their spouse come and go as they please within healthy limitations. In contrast, other spouses have unconscious bitterness and resentment but hide it behind a lovey-dovey facade or pictures on their social media.

I’m saddened when I hear about spouses who go into debt which forces the other to dig them out of the hole, or spouses who can spend money as they please but not allow their spouse the same freedom. I have clients who have been in therapy for months and using their grocery allowance to pay for their reduced session and others who “would never dare to tell him I’m seeing you because he’ll forbid it.”

I’m saddened by the rigidity, greed, pride, selfishness, and ego that is present in so many marriages (which is fueled by fear, shame, and insecurity) and to be the one picking up the pieces of the brave hearts who dare to speak up about it and get help.

 On an unconscious level, the demonic world is entirely at play here and is having a field day. 

If we were to zoom out, we’d spot demons of pride in the hearts of men (husbands, fathers, and pastors) that promote these messages and demons of fear, shame, insecurity, and bitterness (to name a few) who are taking the minds, bodies, and spirits captive of the victims who accept the messages and live according to them. Spiritual abuse, defined as “when someone uses spiritual or religious beliefs to hurt, scare or control you. It can involve someone forcing you to participate in spiritual or religious practices when you don't want to,” is destructive on many levels-many of which we don’t see. 

I’m sad that these messages, limitations, fear, and shame-based lies are what our culture has bred over the years by teaching women to submit to their husbands silently at the expense of losing their identity, freedom, and value…my heart breaks for those that will never be free but will continue to live in this repressed state while their spouses walk in “masculine, arrogant, power and control.”

What is the long-term outcome of these limitations and spiritual abuse? Women raise daughters to believe and act the same, and the multigenerational cycles of curses, control, and abuse continues.