Slavic Christian selfless parenting

Dear Slavic Christian parents, are we willing to give up chasing our pleasures to meet our children’s needs?

If you’re like me, a sinful, selfish human, the short answer is “no.”

We live in a self-centered world, and parents are not immune to it.

I have been noticing this in my parenting as I try to hold onto the freedom that I had before becoming a mom, as my toddler’s needs increase.

Whether it’s taking fewer road trips, planning playdates and errands around nap times, or not paying attention to his cues of discomfort, I've noticed just how selfish I still am when I want my plans prioritized.

I bring him along to my adventures until I realize that it's not even the best thing for him.

As a soon-to-be mom of two, I know I need to slow down and pull back, but there’s a part of me that’s afraid of “missing out on something fun” (like our dopamine-driven culture has programmed us to think).

I’ve listened to and believed many false messages over the years that've contributed to these tendencies. 

Another lie is, “you’ll lose your identity in motherhood if you let go of your self-care,” and, “to prevent it, you must hold onto the things you enjoyed so you wouldn’t be considered a [boring] “stay-at-home mom.”

These societal messages are unhealthy.

I realize just how egocentric our society has made us, despite my best efforts to be selfless for the sake of our children.

Whatever my unconscious motives and thoughts are, I know I have work to do to balance self-care while successfully raising healthy little souls. If I zoom out of the pursuit of physical acquisitions, what I’d recognize are the places that I must pursue healthy emotional intelligence as a place to invest in with myself and my family-that’s the gold that lasts when the fads of fashion and materialism fade away. Teaching myself and my children how to be aware of and tame their thoughts, feelings, and take responsibility for their actions is worth far more than anything money can buy. I think the reason we don’t do that more often is that it takes significantly more work to be intentional in this area compared to making an impulsive decision to feel better in the moment by swiping a card. 

Social media doesn’t show these parts during reels of parents and children living what seem like carefree lives, withholding the behind-the-scenes messy moments of cranky kids and frustrated parents that struggle to self-regulate sometimes.

Thankfully, there’s grace for those moments, and lots of lessons to learn, as we grow closer together as a family in this new season, rather than holding onto my desires and expectations of how things “should be.”

After living a bountiful life before my miracle babies, I realize that there are things that are worth letting go of to show them how much they matter today.

Dear one, what about you? Can you relate? What has been your challenge with adjusting from the freedom you had before kids to life after?