Slavic Christian manipulation

Dear Slavic Christian, when your parent, sibling, spouse, friend, pastor, boss, and/or child tries to influence your choices to get what they want, it’s called “manipulation.”

I’ve seen this in the case of:

-fathers grooming their children for sexual abuse

-pastors controlling their sheep to gain [religious] power

-mothers using emotions to guilt-trip their children into obeying

-demonizing another’s boundaries as “dishonor”

-blame shifting to avoid responsibility of the offender: “you made me hurt you”

-“you don’t love me if you (don’t have sex with me [before marriage]; don’t give me money; don’t do what I ask when I ask…)

-“you can’t be in a leadership position if you (don’t do what we do; don’t cover up sin; don’t give us your money or time; aren’t willing to be our pawn or scapegoat; don’t engage in sin with us; dare to speak up about what we’re doing in secret…)

The list can go on.

This is happening in Slavic “Christian” families and churches. What’s to be said about us if we act the same as the perishing world around us?

1 John 2:10 states, “The one who loves his brother abides in the light, and there is no stumbling block in him.”

To live that way, these behaviors, born from the enemy in our sinful flesh, must be uprooted, eliminated, and replaced with the opposite: love, patience, kindness, integrity, self-control, gentleness, reverence for God, respect for His children, etc.

John 13:35 says, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

We, as a community, will only be able to do so when we understand the price His blood paid for those around us.

That price must make us want to lift others above ourselves instead of taking advantage of others for our evil gain. 

This goes to individuals who see themselves as superior to others and see others as being “tools” for their use. This can include husbands who look at their wives and children as “property” and mistreat them but threaten to hurt them if they report their behavior to religious leaders or the law. 

This goes for the leaders who keep their subordinates “on a tight leash” because if the law were to find out about the corruption in their church's “decisions,” they would all go to prison. 

It’s uncomfortable to shine light on this as a therapist, and the reason I do is because these issues are making my clients fall away from the faith and the church. These issues often go “unnoticed and unspoken about,” fueling offense, bitterness, and the breakdown of the Body of Christ. It hurts Him more than we realize. 

Manipulation is the opposite of what Christ did. He loved. He was vulnerable, transparent, and honest. He stood against sin, called out the people who engaged in it, and led others into it. Christ came to set captives free, not bind anyone into behaviors that were against their will. Let this sink in…