Slavic Christian dysfunctional teachings about marriage

How has the leadership in the Slavic Christian community–elders in the church, and parents in their own homes- taught their sons that it's okay to hurt their wives and children, and the latter to tolerate it silently?

“This is your cross,” they said, “If he comes to Jesus because of your prayers and silent tolerance of the abuse, you’ll get a crown as a reward in heaven.”

Maybe that’s the case, but the truth is, how many men actually repent for their behavior and come to Jesus?

As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I see these behaviors too often and hear about them from individuals who reach out to me, but will never commit to therapy, even more frequently.

It is foolish to pretend that these problems are not doing damage on a deeper level.

Oftentimes, these women contemplate suicide, they engage in destructive behaviors to release their pain that they have to keep a secret from others, and most of all, their children suffer as well.

I know children who are cutting themselves, eating their feelings away, having panic attacks, growing up at their neighbor's house, contemplating suicide, to name a few terrifying symptoms, to escape the pain in their home. 

I know too many children in the Slavic Christian community growing up in these kinds of homes who hurt themselves because mom refuses to call the police on dad‘s behavior.

All the while, the abuser, most often the man, lives as he pleases, without any repercussions.

He uses Scripture to degrade his family; he chooses when he gives her money. He withholds affection from her and the children, and no one questions his behavior because it’s so common.

In fact, oftentimes, it’s the flashy men that act this way because they compensate for the hell at home with nice cars, fancy clothes, and vacations, fun toys—while hollow, angry, and insecure inside.

These grown men come from dysfunctional homes, have daddy issues, and didn’t receive love from their mothers, and now take their pain out on their loved ones, who are more powerless than they. 

The cost?

Repetitive cycles in the next generation.

All of this is completely preventable.

If only parents were healthy and would exhibit self-control, love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness toward their spouses and children, we wouldn’t have this problem. If only pastors taught men that the consequences of these behaviors in their churches are reports to local authorities and jail time. That’s the problem, these topics are preached about from the pulpit, and how could men act differently than their fathers, who engaged in the same way growing up? They don’t know better because they don’t see anything different. 

The role models in our community need to be held accountable for the men to act differently. 

These behaviors would change quickly if larger changes were to occur from the top down–if leaders would love their wives and children and would show young men how to do the same. 

Let this sink in and spread the word to everyone you know who may need to hear this.