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  • Please forgive me

    When I graduated with my Master’s Degree in Therapy, I told myself I’d only serve White, wealthy clients struggling with “easy” problems like depression and anxiety. I attempted to bury my problems and run away instead of confronting them.

    God had other plans. He made it clear that I was to serve my Slavic Christian community. I resented the idea because of how much pain I experienced with my family and church, and I wanted nothing to do with my people. After decades of trauma that went unnoticed and invalidated, how can I serve people who have inflicted so much pain? I didn’t want to face what I tried to bury in my soul. 

    When I started my private practice 3yrs ago, Slavs came in droves. Over the years, one common theme that has led me to write this post has emerged. I’ve become aware of how bitter I’ve been, and it’s similar to what my clients felt for the silent pain they’ve experienced for decades.

    I will not justify the feelings of either, but this process has led me to seek my healing, repent, forgive those who have harmed me, and encourage my clients to forgive those who hurt them. Through these exposed offenses, God is also revealing how sinful I have been for the anger I have projected on this platform, thinking that by “exposing the sins of my community, the change would come.”

    The problem is that shame and anger do not bring about change. They further lead to silence, secrets, and judgment. I am guilty of doing all the above. Shaming people into changing through anger was the only way I knew how to operate based on my family of origin. To bring awareness in love was something I was unaware of, let alone wanted to do as a career. 

    To those who called out my anger, thank you for doing so; I’m sorry I didn’t listen earlier.

    God is refining my character to honor Him, and I pray that He strengthens me in the purification process. Being vulnerable and asking for forgiveness of all those I held an offense against has brought liberation that only love in Christ can do. 

    I need prayers and His wisdom to do my job to the level of honor He requires, and I ask that you sincerely forgive me for the poor example I’ve set. I love our people and want to see souls saved. This process starts by crucifying my pride, bitterness, and pain. Moving forward, I pray to reflect only His heart in my posts, and when I don’t, please hold me accountable, and I will correct them.

    Healing wounded hearts and restoring them to the hearts of parents, one’s spouse, and The Father is where the most significant work is now. Many in my community and I want to change, but it will only come when we forgive and love one another.

    Revival is here; let’s join the Lord in this work.

    Thank you for your forgiveness. I pray to be a godly role model as a therapist and a positive change agent for my community moving forward.