Obedient (codependent) Slavic Christian Wives

You “obey” your husband when he tells you to stop going to church, stop coming to therapy, quit your job–even though he isn’t willing to provide for you and your children. It’s not obedience, it's codependent, self-protective, reputation-focused, people-pleasing idolatry. 

After serving my community in therapy as a Slavic Christian Marriage and Family Therapist, I’ve realized that this is the reality for many Slavic Christian women in our community across our nation.

Our fear and shame-based culture bred this kind of “obedience,” which is actually rooted in legalism.

The thought is, “If I silently obey my husband [and give him all the sex he wants], then he’ll love me, bless me, honor me, and I’ll go to heaven.”

That couldn’t be farther from the truth because God’s love doesn’t depend on any of those things.

It has everything to do with your love for Jesus Himself.

As a byproduct, these wives also experience financial, emotional, spiritual, relational, sexual, and physical abuse.

The husbands of these wives aren’t true believers who discovered their identities in Christ. They are insecure, power-hungry, and come from abuse and neglect in their own childhood homes.

They think that controlling their wives will give them more power and masculinity, but it backfires, because all they receive is resentment and bitterness, seen as blind obedience to keep him quiet.

What can be done about this dynamic?

Each individual needs to take their eyes off their spouse and put them on Jesus to fulfill them, remembering that’s where our identity lies alone. 

It may sound cliché, but until that happens, each spouse will be codependent on the other’s behavior, thinking, “When he changes, things will get better at home. When she gets better, I’ll finally be a man.”

Our salvation will NEVER depend on our performance, knowing that itself can set these spouses free.

…if only they were hungry enough to seek freedom and healing.

The root of this behavior is deep. So many women and men in the Slavic Christian community struggle with self-hatred. They compare their life to others and think they have it worse than anyone, when we all go through mountains and valleys as humans.

Many think they’re not good enough to be loved, forgiven, accepted, chosen, stuck around for, and then they live according to these lies instead of breaking through them.

What can be done to live a life of victory instead?

Take every thought captive and make it obedient to the Word of God—that’s the Only way you’ll win when satan wants to hurt Jesus through your own negative thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Start being grateful for what He’s done daily, and watch everything change WITHIN you.

Mothers and fathers, husbands and wives, your ego needs to die so your spouse and kids can thrive—when will you start living like it?

We must control our thoughts, feelings, and actions if Jesus lives in us.

How else will our families and the outside, secular world know we have died to ourselves and are living for Him alone?