5 Love Languages and Your Marriage

Dear reader, 

As a Marriage and Family Therapist serving the Slavic community, I have discovered that many couples are struggling to connect not only sexually but also emotionally. The sad truth is that these two areas actually go hand-in-hand in marriage. I want to help you take back this beautiful gift that God gave your marriage with the following. 

Have you heard of The 5 Love Languages?

Can you name them? 

They are physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gift-giving, and quality time.

Dr. Gary Chapman, a famous couples counselor, who patented this theory, discovered that couples were not feeling loved despite their partners believing they were doing all the right things for them…so where in lay the problem?

Spouses weren’t fulfilling one another because they were most likely giving their partners what THEY thought their spouses wanted or what THEY wanted from their spouses instead of meeting their spouses' needs directly.

Do you see how this can get messy and breed dissatisfaction?

So how can you “create a loving atmosphere” in your marriage practically and where do these love languages come in?

It may look different in your marriage; in my marriage, it looks like texting one another throughout the day and letting each other know that we’re thinking about each other. 

It may include cleaning the house and preparing for his arrival with a dinner that he would enjoy or simply ordering pizza and watching a movie while cuddling on the couch.

But its not just about doing

The reason is that even if a house is clean and the kids are taken care of but a wife is grouchy or complaining to her spouse when he comes home, the atmosphere won't be set on an emotional level no matter how appealing you, the wife, look physically.

It’s about valuing each other, and your relationship as you both put in the effort to connect. 

I want to make creating a loving atmosphere sound practical, so customize it to fit your relationship.

Start by asking yourself the next 2 questions:

Do I know my spouse's love language?

Does my partner know mine?

If you answered “no,” be curious to find out. 

If you answered ”yes,” keep nurturing them to grow even closer

1st Corinthians 13:4-8 says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.”

This passage of scripture demonstrates just how selfless love is. It also sets the standard for how love should look for us believers. 

I want to encourage you with 2 follow-up questions to ask your spouse: 

1. How can I meet your love language today?

How can I create a safe atmosphere in our marriage to help you feel emotionally and physically connected to me?